If ENM conversations were footwear, the pointers here would be Uggs: they’re pretty basic. Plus, I have an inherent problem with awful proofreading. (It’s bad enough to have random commas scattered throughout, but did we really need two #5s?)
The bullet points are a mixed bag of cliché, good-topics/bad presentation, and actually useful. I think the most important suggestions here are #s 1 (self-exploration) and 5b (having a support system – so underrated!), with honorable mention going to 2 (sharing your mindset with your partner). The expert MadLibs paragraph is so stilted and awkward as written that it should never be used as-is no matter WHAT you put in the blanks, and reinforces the false “silver bullet” approach that makes people think all their problems will be solved if they could just find the magic words to use.
There ARE no magic words.
Unless you’re reading our Poly Wanna Answer columns, that is. That stuff is gold.
A great new monthly column brought to our attention by fellow poly advocate lawyer Diana Adams, “Oh, Bi The Way” from yet another poly advocate lawyer named Heron Greenesmith who according to their site is a thoughtful, progressive policy attorney & advocate who specializes in providing support for bisexual and pansexual communities.
Their current column offers their take on the phenomenon of ‘unicorn hunting’ through the lens of privilege and power dynamics, rather than one of strict ethical nonmonogamy. It raises valid and valuable concerns, but in our opinion contains a dangerous flaw.
Heron’s article includes the quote, “the fundamental problem of unicorn hunting […] is, couples who want a third are generally looking for something to fulfill a fantasy that they both share. They aren’t looking for a person who has her own desires and interests and needs.” [Italics ours]
We agree that this is the general reality, BUT Heron’s column gives short shrift to couples (and throuples and larger / differently-structured units) who ARE cognizant and respectful of a prospective new person’s autonomy. This *can* be magically waved away by saying, “then that’s not unicorn hunting,” and if that’s your definition – that unicorn hunting refers to only those problematic scenarios described – then technically their argument holds, although it reduces their position to a tautology. The article would be better served with a clear and explicit acknowledgement that the “generally” in the quote ignores and erases the many partnered entities who “do it right” by seeking new partners in empowering and respectful ways. These may be in the minority in practice, but they absolutely exist – and through the education and conversations fostered by columns like both of ours, hopefully more and more people will engage in responsible rather than harmful seeking of new partners.
(Yes, that *is* a “NotAllX” statement, and yes it needs to be said.)
Heron wraps the article by encouraging people to celebrate Pride month by having sex with lot so of people at once, as long as they do so authentically. Far be it from us to discourage either authentic relating or enthusiastic sex! But this is a great opportunity to remind all readers that not all meaningful relationships require or contemplate sex by any definition, and this includes existing structures looking to add new partners.
Happy Pride, however you celebrate it 🙂
Bi The Way: Unicorn Hunting!
This time, we help someone break the news to her partner she’s polycurious, and offer some great tips on having Difficult Conversations.
Happy May, everyone!
Poly Cocktails is a community meetup at the Delancey every second Monday; a small separate group always meets beforehand for dim sum at 7pm next door (Kings Co Imperial (168.5 Delancey), for a $22 prix fixe.
Join for the dim sum, spend the rest of the night enjoying the community!
He was, according to at least one Christian theologist.
The link is predictably short on evidence and long on clickbait, but the gist is the symbolism inherent in Jesus’ personal relationships with his disciples (including the famous, “eat my body/drink my blood” concept), as well as his personal relationships with millions of modern Christians worldwide, described as akin to multiple marriages.
There’s more, of course, along with the all-too-common conflating of polyamory with polygamy, but my biggest takeaway from this article is that I can’t stop wondering who Jesus would talk to during an orgasm. I mean, most people wouldn’t want to think of their dad while getting off, but – hey, to each their own.
Ever wonder why Greek depictions of their male heroes included powerful bodies and beautiful faces, but tiny penises?
Their physical ideals were not so dissimilar to ours, but for their symbolism of the penis. A large or erect penis in ancient Greece was associated with evil, stupidity, and/or poor self-control. In modern society, by way of comparison, a large penis is associated with power, desirability, and even competence.
Wouldnt it make more sense to judge and value people not on their genetic traits, but rather how they live their lives?
This is an amazing FREE breakfast and lecture series sponsored by the Atlantic regarding inclusion and intersectionality in the Workplace for Thursday, March 7th, from 8am-12:30pm.
RSVPs are closed but POLYquality has two extra invites remaining as of Wednesday noon. Be the first to write us directly and let us know why you want to attend, and they’re yours.
Once you have registered for the Polyamory Summit at SuccessfulPolyamory.com, click though to watch all the amazing videos from over a dozen experts!
Leon Feingold’s interview is available for free through Tuesday, Feb 26 at https://successfulpolyamory.com/day-5/#section1
For those who haven’t been watching so far, you’ve missed free video interviews with sex-positive experts Sumati Sparks (polyamory), Moushumi Ghouse (sexuality), Zach Budd (consent), and Andrew Mashiko (authenticity). Each is only available for 72 hours, so all are still available to watch once you join the summit – but Day 1 is about to drop off.
Today’s interviewees are Christopher N. Smith, discussing how race and intersectionality play into ENM, and Alison Ash, covering intimacy and sex within open relationships.
Click through to successfulpolyamory.com and learn what you can while you can!