Poly Wanna Answer?

I’m Poly, Crushing, and Nervous…

There is this girl in one of my courses this semester at university, and I have crushed on her since I met her. But I can't bring myself to build ...
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You Put Your Whole Self In, You Take Your Whole Self Out

I'm curious how established couples (e.g. spouses or long-term partners) who may have started out monogamish or closeted poly and who chose to come out later in the relationship, negotiate ...
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How soon can you tell someone you love them?

How soon can you tell someone you love them? I don't think you can love someone if you don't know enough of them to love. You can love what you've ...
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Curious About Polyamory! My Partner, Not So Much.

I’ve been married for 5 years and with my partner for 10, since we both got out of high school. I’ve been curious about polyamory and open relationships lately, but ...
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Defining Polyamory

Dear PWA columnists: I'm in a polycule in New York and we realized we mostly all have different ideas about what polyamory actually is and isn't! Can you tell us, ...
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Poly Wanna Answer?

 -- new columns every month -- This "he-said/she-said" advice column for the polyamorous community has been run by Leon Feingold and a co-author since its inception in 2011. It is ...
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Polyamory Resources

Information / Support Groups OpenLoveNY.com - Open Love NY (NYC-based) LoveMore.com - Loving More (Colorado-based) NCSFreedom.org - National Coalition for Sexual Freedom PolyInTheMedia.blogspot.com - Polyamory In The Media blog Facebook ...
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Telling Tweens, Or Just For Adults?

Dear PWA experts: I've only recently learned about polyamory, and while it feels like it could be right for me and my wife, I'm wondering how in the world this ...
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Aversion to Compersion?

Dear PWA: My boyfriend has told me he is deeply in love with me and wants to be with me, but he has been dating this other woman as ...
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What is POLYquality?

Welcome to POLYquality, a community-based website dedicated to exploration, support, education, and publicity of polyamory and other forms of consensual nonmonogamy (CNM). Besides writing the POLY WANNA ANSWER? advice column ...
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The game of mono-poly

Hello lovely bloggers, I’m in a difficult place right now with my emotionally-closest partner. We’ve been in an ethical, mutually-open relationship since the beginning of our relationship, but have been ...
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Female privilege?

Hey guys, My boyfriend of 3 years and I recently decided to start seeing other people. I should explain that it was my idea and it took almost a year ...
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New girlfriend rattles nervous wife

Hello, My husband and I just started our open marriage. We’ve been discussing an open relationship for awhile now. Well, husband met a girl in a show they were in ...
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Couple wants to call the “Poly Police” on friend’s cheating behavior

Dear PWA: I have an important question and would like to ask it anonymously. I am in an open marriage, she and I have full disclosure. I am actually the ...
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Open relationship threatened by desperate wife

Hello. I have been looking for somewhere/someone to talk to and get advice/input on my situation. I’ve been in a relationship for 3 years now; he is married and until ...
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Which direction should this relationship swing?

My wife and I have enjoyed swinging as a couple for years, and we decided to look into opening our marriage for solo hookups. We agreed that we’d try some ...
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How can I feel compersion for someone I used to know?

Hi there Mischa and Leon, I have a partner. He’s married. His wife is wonderful. I’m in a relationship with him, but not her. That’s fine. My partner is interested ...
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I love two women – how do I stop lying to them?

Hello, I hope you guys could give me some insight. I’ll try and make this as short and sweet as I can. Honestly, I am tired of talking about it ...
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I hate my married partner’s new girlfriend!

Hi,

I’ve been in a relationship for 10 years with a married woman. I am surprisingly comfortable being in this relationship considering her wife does not know. The married woman ...
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Can this relationship be saved?

Dear Leon and Mischa,

So here’s the situation – me and the man I love have been at each other’s throats for weeks now; he’s poly and I have been monogamous ...
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Newbie drowning in “Hunger Games” dating pool

Dear Mischa and Leon, OK, so – help. I’ll spare you the intricate details, at least for the moment, and do my best to sum up my dilemma. We’ve been ...
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How do I convince my girlfriend to be polyamorous?

Hi Mischa and Leon,

I’m just looking for a bit of advice. Basically I’ve been with this girl for over a year now and I’m polyamorous. I haven’t made it apparent ...
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Cheating wife wants more from marriage

Hello there,

In the last three months, I’ve been cheating on my husband (more consistently) with an old flame from over a decade ago. The old flame is in an open ...
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Reader ‘alarmed’ by partners sharing emails

Hi,
I am extremely new to the poly scene and am still learning community ‘norms.’ In relation to that, I recently read the post on this blog from October 6, ...
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What sex restrictions are reasonable and when?

Hello,

Growing up I wanted monogamy because anything else was “not real love”. I didn’t want anything that wasn’t authentic. As a high school girl I started discovering my sexuality, ...
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How to deal with negative feelings

Hello,
I saw your website and am hoping you can help. My partner and I have been monogamously together for 6 years. Recently, they have fallen for another person but they ...
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Communication with partners’ partners… how much is enough?

I’ve got a poly situation and could use your “professional” advice – thanks for writing this column! It’s been really helpful for me in the past and I hope you ...
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Objectification at a sex party

Leon and Mischa, 

I know that a polyamorous person is able to have multiple partners, including sexual partners, and it’s not taboo – even without a formal relationship. Do you feel ...
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Poly medical insurance shortcomings – and how you can help

Dear Mischa and Leon,

I have a strange question for you… What are the poly community’s thoughts on medical insurance? I can’t put both my partners on my medical insurance because ...
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Poly people vs Swingers = Montagues and Capulets?

Greetings. So, the deal is that am very honest and up front about who my wife and I are when meeting others for the first time; something that I think ...
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Kinky conversations aren’t for everyone

Hello! I live in NYC and the organized poly events here always seem to be advertised to and heavily attended by people in the local kink community. I am not ...
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Should I let my partner read my emails?

Hello there, I am new to the poly world and consider myself an enthusiast at this point.  Still doing a lot of research and soul searching.  I think I still ...
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Agreeable Relationship Agreements

Hello Friends, I’m looking for a list of questions that my partner and I can ask ourselves in trying to make an open relationship agreement.

Thanks, Negotiating Newbie Hi Newbie! Thanks ...
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Poly-saturation?

Hi! First off, I’d like to thank you on running a great blog. I’m pretty new to polyamory and having this resource really helped me out a few times. I ...
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Am I POLY, or just HORNY?

You run a fantastic blog! Thanks for allowing us to ask these sensitive questions in safety and openness.

I read your excellent post on Open Relationships vs. Polyamory and, after ...
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And the bad timing award goes to…

Mischa and Leon- First of all, THANK YOU for creating a place where people in all phases of discovering their preferred love and lifestyles – particularly one free from the ...
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Kink Beware

Lately I have noticed a very big influx of kink into the poly community. I’m not against kink, but I feel that people are who aren’t into kink might be ...
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Open relationships vs. polyamory

What’s the difference between an open relationship, and a poly one? We start our advice column with a question that pops up pretty often, and is asked by both veterans ...
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 — new columns every month —

This “he-said/she-said” advice column for the polyamorous community has been run by Leon Feingold and a co-author since its inception in 2011. It is currently co-hosted by sex-positive advocate Lee Hencen.

Leon Feingold has discussed polyamory as a guest on The View, Huffington Post, PolyInTheMedia, JezebelThe Atlantic, Quartz and others, plus a featured spot in the HBO movie Americans in Bed. In May 2014 he helped launch New York’s first openly polyamorous residence as its spokesperson, broker, and attorney. He gave a TED Talk on polyamory at TEDxBushwick on March 21, 2015, and was invited to present alongside Dr. Zhana Vrangalova and Christopher Ryan at South by Southwest 2018.

Lee Hencen has been poly for a long time with poly experiences of being married, single, part of a triad and currently in a domesticating partner relationship in Brooklyn.  She practices a family style of polyamory which includes long distance relationships, one more than 15 years.  A retired RN, Lee has presented various workshops at Poly Living Philly and Denver, Beyond the Love, Loving More Easy Coast Retreat, Eastern Naturist Gathering, Deepening Connections for B-More Poly and Building Bridges.